NoSalesTax

Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

E-Memory (Part One)

Before gmail came along w/ its fancy archiving feature, people deleted their email after reading it. I save emails. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hang on to every email I’ve ever received, but I tend to store important messages or messages from important people. It’s like a time capsule, as I can jump back almost 10 years to remember what I was like, remember things I said, remember the people in my life and things they said. Once I became serious in my poetry writing, I saved every email from girls I’ve dated, perhaps knowing one day it would end and I’d be left with sharp memories of what I once had.

I was awakened this morning before 7am in a 100-degree (Celsius) room cuz my roomie turned the heat up last nite upon returning from the bars. Since my room lacks curtains (I have one curtain, one sheet covering two windows, and an American Flag covering the fourth), I knew I would not be falling back asleep.

After reading for more than an hour (Through Painted Deserts), I pulled out my laptop and started looking through archived emails. I first read through stuff saved from my g/f in college. I actually smiled through many of her messages, wondering how we ever coexisted as she’s clearly not a good match for me. But wait, the person she was in 2001 may not be someone I want now, but what about when I was 21? Have I changed that much in five years, or have I simply figured out what I want in a woman? And if our paths crossed tomorrow, would there still be something between us? As I ponder such questions, I think back to Elon homecoming 2004 when I saw her in the parking lot before the football game. I was walking w/ two of her college roomies, and she ran up to them and gave them hugs w/out even acknowledging my presence. It was slightly awkward, but whatever. Being materialistic, she may have detected the presence of food stamps in my wallet and simply discarded me from memory, embarrassed she’d ever dated a guy who would commit two years to AmeriCorps. So to answer my question, no, there’d probably be nothing left between us if we were ever to meet again.

Quick excerpts from one of the emails she sent me while visiting her dad in California in May 2001:

i'm over at alethia's which is where i'm spending these first two
nights. it's a really nice condo, nicer than my house which kinda pisses me off. I am so glad that she has the internet. i really hate being cut off from it. i'm such a product of technology it's scary.

then my dad's other friend allen took us for a ride in his new chrysler 300M. it was nice, but i'm so not a Chrysler fan. if it had been a mercedes i would have been impressed. of course those cars are common place here so they lose some of their appeal.

i gave myself a french manicure and i kind of like it so i may start doing it more often.


So yea, if you know me, you’re now scratching your head wondering what I was doing w/ her. And although we had good times together, I feel the same way. Tomorrow I’ll talk about my last girlfriend. Stay tuned.

Friday, March 17, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

So it's 1015pm on the day everyone's Irish, and I'm sitting at home watchin the tourney. Why, you ask? Well, I worked till 8pm tonite, actually leaving work earlier than usual on a Friday nite. Then again, I'm not a huge St. Patty's fan.

The fact my birthday is a week away may contribute to the fact I've never gotten pumped for this pseudo-holiday. The fact I'm not Irish may also have something to do w/ it. This year had the potential to be the best St. Patrick's Day ever. Instead, it's just another Friday nite pounding beers before (possibly) hittin the bars. This is nowhere near my worst March 17, however. That title goes to St. Patrick's Day 2003.

While in AmeriCorps, I began dating a girl several months earlier. Still in the early phase of the relationship, where you only show your good side, we went to the Ameri-bar w/ all the other Corps Members (as usual). I showed up later than she, but when I arrived, I found her out back smoking w/ my buddy Charlie. No, I wasn't upset she was outside w/ my buddy. I was upset she was smoking. Most of my life, I've been extremely anti-smoking. I think it's disgusting, which is why I refuse to date someone who smokes. This may sound ridiculous, but what if I fall in love w/ her? I don't wanna be around a smoker all my life. Does this make sense?

Anyway, I apparently got upset she was smoking, esp. since I knew she'd been a smoker before AmeriCorps. Again, this is not something I do on purpose, it's just something that throws me into a tizzy. And after 25+ years, I've finally found a way to use "tizzy" in a sentence. To make a short story long, my sour mood eventually put her in a sour mood, and by the time I realized I was being an idiot, she was in a bad mood, and the night was chock full o' drama. We obviously made nice the next day (or maybe that nite, I don't remember), but it was def. a very stressful nite.

To make matters worse, we all witnessed two unattractive girls making out on the pool table that nite. And that, my friends, is a brief summation of AmeriCorps, the best year of my life.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Chicken or the Egg?

Do I have few friends in Boston cuz I work so many hours? Or do I work 13-hour days because I have very few friends in town?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Trains, Planes, and Automobiles (Quick Comments)

Have you ever seen Trains, Planes, and Automobiles? It’s one of those movies I’d always assumed I’d seen, but this morning I caught the tail end on TBS and realized I’ve definitely never watched the entire film. Director John Hughes wants me to believe Steve Martin’s character decides to basically adopt the guy he met less than a week earlier (John Candy’s character)?

If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it for its intentional and unintentional comedy. For starters, John Candy’s mustache is hilarious. Also, the scene in which the two chums are driving on the wrong side of the highway is legendary, so much in fact that my friend JB and I quote it on a regular basis. Candy’s character thinks the driver next to him wants to race, when in fact the man and his wife are screaming, “You’re going the wrong way!”

Finally, the closing scene is ridiculous. Martin’s character arrives home to greet his family (including in-laws), introducing to them his newly adopted son/brother. Then his wife walks down the stairs, breathtaking beauty magnified each step down. When her eyes meet w/ Martin’s, the love and attraction is evident. In case the viewer misses it, Hughes decides to focus on Candy’s hands holding his hat over his crotch, as if he’s hiding something. Cue the closing credits, w/ me looking around in bafflement. Movies like this make me glad I was born in the ‘80s.