NoSalesTax

Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

364 Days Till Valentine's Day!

So start making calls now. Start working out on a regular basis, rediscover the art of flossing and remember how to eat w/ your mouth closed. Then again, I already do the aforementioned and still found myself treating Feb. 14 like any other Tuesday. What does it mean when Valentine's Day has lost all meaning? Is it sad that such a romantic holiday has been written off by what was once a hopeless romantic? Or is it refreshing that a holiday invented by Hallmark doesn't affect the guy who used to plan weeks in advance for Feb. 14?

My philosophy's always been you should be romantic because you want to, not because Walmart replaces its Christmas candy and cards w/ red and white gifts. Then again, I'm sure if I had a g/f I'd go all out for the phony-baloney holiday. I wonder what T-Rock and Greggster did to celebrate their first Valentine’s Day engaged. It’s strange to look ahead to Valentine’s Day 2007. Who of my friends will be engaged? Who of my friends currently in relationships will be single? Will Love Monkey still be on the air?

Let’s take a look at all the girls I’ve found myself out w/ (or wanting to take out) since last Valentine’s Day, and what I liked about them. I’ll also list why things didn’t work out. Names will not be used, for their own protection (and mine).

Helga
Laughs at my tasteless pick-up lines (good)
Able to carry an intelligent conversation (very good)
Enjoys happy hour as much as I do (awesome)
Lives in another city (Strike One)
Has a b/f (Strike Two)
I need to find a dictionary every time she emails me (Strike Three)

Mulva
Likes working w/ youth (good)
Loves the outdoors (very good)
Played soccer in college (awesome)
Worked for me (Strike One)
Lives w/ her b/f (Strike Two)
LIVES WITH HER BOYFRIEND (Strike Three)

Rosita
Works with teens (good)
Drives a stick (very good)
One of the few people who really “gets” me (awesome)
Lives in another city (Strike One)
Lived w/ her (now ex-) b/f (Strike Two)
STILL LIVES WITH HIM (Strike Three)

Ethel
Ditched her blind date at the bar to talk to me (good)
Texted me before I got home the first night I met her (very good, I think)
Loved my story about the necklace I got on Catalina (awesome)
Is an only child (Strike One)
Owns a cat (Strike Two)
Visits a psychic on a regular basis (Strike Three)

Daria
Wears a bathing suit at work (good)
Enjoys working w/ kids (very good)
Gave me incentive to wake up early and work out three days/week (awesome)
Doesn’t date people she works with (Strike One)
Adores country music (Strike Two)
Admitted she recently felt depressed (Strike Three)

Corrinne
Can beat me at pool (good)
Loves kids (very good)
Orders a Jamieson on the rocks to start the night (awesome)
Lives in another city (Strike One)
Wakes up really early (Strike Two)
I’ll find the third strike after spending a week w/ her later this month

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