Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Monday, January 30, 2006

My Drugs

I've been hooked on many things in my life, whether it's exercise (the year in DC), writing poetry (see senior year of college) or water (still going). My latest obsession, however, may be dangerous. I'm actually struggling w/ emotions as I type, unsure if I should thank my roommate, or resent him for turning me into a newborn junkie. Over the weekend, my roomie (Big House) pointed out our other roomie's sandwich maker. No, the machine doesn't resemble two hands. It's actually a panini maker, if that's such a thing, and it's amazing.

My addiction began Friday nite after returning from work, my mind a mush after a long week at work topped w/ the weekly Teen Nite (imagine 90 kids running around a YMCA as members avoid being trampled). After cracking open a beer, I shook hands w/ the fridge and peered inside, only to realize I had zero leftovers. Of course, I always have whole wheat bread in stock, so I pulled out the bag along w/ some ham and swiss. After turning on the toaster oven, I began slicing cheese. That's when Big House walked into the kitchen and suggested using the sandwich maker.

I heard the toaster oven fighting back tears as I turned it off and pulled the new appliance from its perch. I felt like Pandora as I opened the lid to discover beautiful black teflon, begging me to turn up the heat. I did. The bread slices were young siblings tucked warmly into bed, the cheese placed on top like a farmer seeding his field. The ham followed, just before the lid closed down, as if biting my sandwich before I had the chance. Five minutes later, the green light was aglow and I was rewarded w/ a restaurant-quality panini to sit next to my green beans, beside my chocolate milk.

I've now eaten five paninis in the last three days, wondering what all the cheese will do to my digestive system. Cold sandwiches have lost their allure, like coming home from your first semester of college and realizing the hot girls from HS aren't so hot after all. I raced home from work today (actually, I always race home) and immediately pulled out the turkey and cheese, scampering around the kitchen to prepare dinner. And now I lay in bed, unable to sleep, excited for tomorrow when I can get my next panini fix.


At 9:24 AM, Anonymous JB said...

Dude, you're even more messed up than I thought. You're telling me your drugs are exercise, water, and sandwiches? You'd better be careful or else these things may escalate to life threatening addictions to vitamins, sleeping, and V8.

Just so you know, though... If you need a sponsor when you're going through rehab, I can be that for you.


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