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Monday, June 13, 2005

Peeing in the public potty

I spent a lot of time in public restrooms in the past week. Between airports, hotels and amusement parks, I did my fair share of marking my territory. So during my travels and trips to the ladies room to powder my nose, I did some thinking.
So the last time you went peesha (papa rock’s word for urine) in a public potty, did either of your cheeks hit the seat?
Sometimes if I’m drinking, I will sort of slip and let one cheek hit. And a lot of times, after this happens, I figure hey! Why not just sit down? So I do. Then the next morning, along with memories of words I might have slurred or dances I may have performed or friends I might have embarrassed, I have the memory of my butt on a public toilet seat. And that’s no good.
There are the paper seat covers that grace almost every public john. But they seem trivial, don’t they? So thin and useless. So when I use one, I use 2 or 3. I figure the bulk of the paper will protect my arse. The potty doesn’t seem to like that too much. It’s a lot to suck down. But that’s not my problem. Infection and bacteria IS my problem, so I try to avoid those with doubling up on the seat covers.
I hate the anticipation you feel as you saunter into a restroom. It’s always fifty/fifty, always a crap shoot (literally). You wonder, will I pick the right stall? Will I pick the wrong stall? And we all know what I mean by “right” and “wrong”. So I won’t get into that.
I wonder how dirty bathroom doors are. Think about it, we worry about the seat, we worry about the sink. We wash with antibacterial gel and dry our hands with air dryers to avoid other people’s….well, let’s call them leftovers. But then to exit, we put our hands on a doorknob or handle and swing the big heavy door open…..what sits on those handles and knobs?
Bobby bacteria, that’s what.
Public bathrooms are like double whammies.