NoSalesTax

Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Tryptophan Thinking (Part Two)

Scroll up to read the first half of this post.

Working w/ Kids – I love working outdoors. I love working w/ kids. Working at a camp is a no-brainer, right? Aside from being a writer, working with children is the profession my friends most often recommend. Again, the monetary limitations of teaching young people while wearing shorts and a tshirt burst the find-a-career bubble. It’s too bad, cuz I love camp songs/cheers, know a slew of games and I look damn sexy wearing mesh shorts and my famous blue sunglasses.

Pickup Lines – The best way to practice them is w/ friends of the opposite sex. Unless you’re gay, in which case I assume it’d be better to try the lines on your same-sex friends before testing them in battle. I spent a half hour last night swapping lines w/ a coed acquaintance in a crowded bar. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun talking to a girl while sober (hooray for the designated driver). Unfortunately, I can’t divulge anything in my arsenal until I receive the patents. Then again, I’ll never actually use ‘em, so who cares? Hint: The more ridiculous, the better.

Cracking Jokes – Is Mystery Science Theatre 3000 looking for a new voice? Is it even on TV anymore? Aside from chiming in w/ sarcastic remarks at social gatherings, my wit is pretty much useless. Sigh.

Creating Nicknames – Whether it’s Charlie, Amber, Frat Adam or Ace and Gary (all Ameri-nicknames), I have a knack for discovering wonderful, long-lasting nicknames for others. I even created my own in AmeriCorps, which is totally against nickname rules (think Costanza as T-Bone). But for some reason, J$ stuck, which was fine w/ me. In fact, I’ll prove to you (or die tryin’) I’m a nickname wiz. Just email me someone for whom you seek a nickname, and I’ll try my darndest to please you. At least I’ll be sure to think it’s great. After all, life’s all about making yourself happy. Once that occurs, everything else will fall into place. To quote Rob in Swingers, “You gotta let go of the past, Mike, and when you do, I’m telling you, the future is beautiful.” Sadly, it takes some people longer than others to follow that advice. But, like drinking and the planets, everyone moves at a different pace.

1 Comments:

At 3:54 PM, Blogger Balto17 said...

If you can get MST3K back on the air, I will forever be indebted to you. If you were the new host, I would watch. That show was genius.

 

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