NoSalesTax

Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

From Cartoons to Vegetables


Some folks don’t take Halloween quite as seriously as T-Rock. I’ve survived just as many last days of October as my blogmate, but I cannot go into quite as much detail as she. With that, I leave you w/ my top five Halloween costumes (in descending order).

5) Go-Bot, 1985 – Don’t get me wrong, this costume was awful. I think of that year every time I listen to the Seinfeld bit on Halloween, when he mentions the plastic mask w/ the cheap rubber band holding it on, and it keeps breaking and the mask keeps getting tighter until you can’t breathe. I just remember panicking that night as trick-or-treating hours loomed (in New York City, you do not exceed the set hours for fear of gunshot wounds). My mom and I were desperately trying to make a robot costume out of a cardboard box. The box was too wide, however, and resulted in me walking around the room w/ my arms out like a muscle-bound frat guy looking for freshman girls. Then my dad came home w/ a yellow Go-Bot costume he bought on his way home from work. And that, my friends, is how my dad saved Halloween.

4) Roger Rabbit, 1989 – My mom made the entire costume from scratch, and it was awesome. If I still had the rabbit ears, and a girlfriend, I’d give them to her for a Playboy bunny costume. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about either.

3) Kobe Bryant, 2003 – Just before the NBA season tipped off, I decided to finally take the easy way out and dress as a pro athlete. After his tumultuous summer, Kobe was an easy target. I constructed my own Lakers jersey and wore it w/ matching shorts. I then found some leaves and women’s clothes and made a scarecrow, its head a balloon w/ an “expressive” face. I sewed the back of the dummy’s waist to the front of mine and met my fellow party-goers, being sure to keep one hand around the dummy’s neck. Much like my personality, everyone either hated it or loved it as I received high-fives and disgusted looks throughout the night.

2b) Superman, 1999 – Less than two months into my Elon career, some friends were headed to Chapel Hill for the famous Franklin Street Halloween festivities. Needless to say, I needed an affordable, creative costume. I ended up wearing a girl’s Superman t-shirt (waaaaay too tight on me), blue windpants, long red socks, red Filas, red boxer briefs (over the windpants), and a shiny nylon cape w/ a beautiful “S” on the back. Looking back on it, the costume wasn’t that great. Then again, neither were those friends.

2a) Superman, 1983 – Again my mom made the entire costume by hand, and it was dead-on. I have a picture of myself that night, for some reason, and the resemblance is uncanny. If Superman had white-blond hair and an ‘80s haircut, Lois Lane wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.

1) Eggplant Man, 2001-2002 – Easily my most famous creation, Eggplant Man was born at summer camp 2001. During a counselor skit, I fished out a full-body purple spandex suit from the drama closet and immediately became Britney Spears (check out her Oops, I Did It Again video, over and over and over…). So two months later, when my friends and I decided to hit up Franklin St. our senior year, I racked my brain for a costume that involves purple spandex. I luckily found a green beehive wig at Walmart, and instantly became Eggplant Man. The logo on my chest said it all, and may very well be the only eggplant I ever draw. I wore it again the next year during the AmeriCorps Halloween bowling party. Days later I nabbed the best g/f ever. Coincidence, or power of the giant vegetable? We may never know.

6 Comments:

At 9:53 PM, Blogger Gregg M. Schmidt said...

I've heard about Eggplant Man...I'd like to see some pictures. The purple spandex must've been GREAT.

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger Balto17 said...

Much love and many thanks go out to the Mazz for lending me the green beehive wig for a French presentation shortly after Halloween. I still remember acquiring some Mazz mystique when I wore it. Of course, I did feel like a damned fool. But maybe that's part of the mystique.

Also, it didn't fit on my head, which made for even higher comedy.

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger T-Rock said...

If you think I take Halloween seriously, you should see me on Martin Luther King Day!!!

 
At 3:56 PM, Anonymous JB said...

What about the California Raisin?

 
At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Jen Guarino said...

I was there and I have photos of the infamous Eggplant Man... but I can't figure out how to post them. Justin, I'm e-mailing them to you.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Balto17 said...

Seeing all those pictures made me well up with tears until I started balling like a little school girl. I'm so full of love.

 

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