Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Monday, May 23, 2005

My Worst Kiss (and I've endured some bad ones)

I have a history of sports-related injuries. In the past five years alone I’ve had my front tooth knocked in, suffered a dislocated finger (much worse than a broken finger) and broken my nose by colliding into a point guard’s forehead. I almost suffered another painful injury my freshman year of college; I almost had my teeth knocked out one passionate night on Cocoa Beach.

After catching a midnite movie, I rode w/ a few of my friends (a guy and two girls) an hour east to Cocoa Beach. I have no idea where the idea originated, nor did I care. I remember speeding along the highway as Pavarotti blared through the speakers, a stark change from my usual Beastie Boys/Dave Matthews playlist. None of us were drunk.

We eventually arrived at the shore; my buddy and I, both tall, unfolded ourselves from the tiny backseat and ran for the beach. The girls followed. One of them spread a blanket on the sand, enabling us all to sit comfortably and stare at the autumn stars. After a while, my buddy finally got the hint and invited one of the girls for a walk. The other girl, a Jamaican native, and I soon found ourselves making out half naked on the sand. Unfortunately, things didn’t advance much further due to her painful kissing technique.

After a dozen or so times of her smacking her teeth against mine, I had to relegate myself to quick pecks on her lips. Anyone who’s had braces for two years can vouch for me on this one: There are very few things more important than teeth. And for that reason, I put a stop to the hanky-panky and hurtled the lower half of my body into the cold ocean waves. It was a long car ride home.


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