Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Eulogy for my Friend

I lost a very dear friend this week, terminating one of the most important relationships I’ve had in the past year. My companion and I were together through good times and bad, enduring a close-minded midget boss, a hellacious DC July, and lots and lots of beer. Sadly, my good buddy Food Stamps died on Monday as I used the last $1.51 on tomatoes and spinach.

Gone are the days of offering to buy girls a drink, only to return moments later apologizing because the bar doesn’t accept food stamps. I may need to rely more heavily on my other DC pickup line: “I have no family.” It works best around Thanksgiving and Christmas.


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