Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


When I moved to Boston three months ago, I had high hopes for my roomies. Notice the past tense. The guy, “Heath,” doesn’t really drink, even though he’s 26 and (very) single. If he’s not gonna drink now, then when? I’d like to introduce exhibit A to the jury. He had a six-pack of Michelob Ultra in the fridge when I moved in. As of 10 min. ago, he’d managed to reduce it to four bottles. Unless he’s double-fisting in the kitchen as I speak, that means he averages two-thirds a beer each month. I think Terry Schiavo drank more than that the past three months.

“Kerri,” my other roomie, shows much more potential. In fact, we had a wonderful “date” on Sunday, consisting of some exercise around the Charles Rives (she rollerbladed and I biked) and some strong rum-and-cokes. I didn’t have any empty bottles lying around, so I made them in some old Planters Peanuts jars. Is there anything Mr. Peanut can’t do? Nothing says spring like sitting on the grass along the Charles and sipping mixed drinks from peanut jars. We had to cut the afternoon short when she rollerbladed home to let the snakes outta the zoo. I was kinda worried since she admitted not being able to see straight, but she returned wearing the same pants, so I guess she made it home in time.


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