Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

lessons from my parents

I read a blog today that listed the things a person had learned from each of her parents. I started thinking about all the things I have learned from my own parents…Here is a short list of some of those things….try to figure out which ones I learned from my mom and which ones I learned from papa dukes:

How to clean and eat a crab
How to go clamming in a bay with my feet
How to braid my hair
Men are sexual predators
To save money for the future
To spend money because you never know what will happen
To ask, “What’s a hundred dollars in the course of a lifetime?”
To demand respect from authority figures
Never be intimidated by anyone
How to make hummus
How to make frosting
How to love a kitchen and all it’s creations
How to give a teacher shit and get away with it
How to shoot a gun
How to skin a duck
How to change a tire
Never lie
To say, “Don’t buy that, I can make that.”
To make dinner for two
To make dinner for 40
How to put my own feelings second or third to someone else
How to love
How not to love
How to pick battles
How to ask for help
When not to ask for help
How to fish
How to cut up squid and bait a pole in a way that ensures maximum use and effectiveness
To love my curly hair
When to say goodbye
When to hang on
How to hide purchases
How to make a toilet sparkle
How to sew
The difference between girls and boys
Girls can do anything boys can do, even peeing standing up (actually, it was my sister, boogerhead, who taught me this)
How to hold a grudge
How to yell effectively
How to shut my trap


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