Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

I'm Forever Her Girl...

I got the best news yesterday…News that I have been waiting for, for years. News that changes my life, my spirit, my soul.


Maybe you didn’t hear me.


When I heard the news, I was transported back to a time when every morning I spent at least an hour drawing on a mole, positioning my crimped ponytail most-appropriately on the side of my head, and praying that one day I’d have boobs and dance moves like Paula.

My childhood friends and I would congregate in basements and sway back and forth to “Forever your Girl” and “Cold Hearted Snake”, wondering if we, too, would ever feel the rush of emotion, the love and the hate and tears it takes to write lyrics like,

“All the world’s a candy store, he’s been trick-or-treating. When it comes to true love, girl, with him there’s no one home.”

As did most girls, we had a little skit/choreographed dance number to “Opposites Attract.” I liked being Paula in the routine (and no doubt I looked the most like her), but no one else in our posse could remember MC Skat Cat’s rap lyrics (in the middle of the song) the way I could (I think it was the first rap I ever memorized. Shortly thereafter came TLC’s “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg”). So I usually had to be the cat. I was okay with that because I worked in a few complex moves to the number, a high kick at the beginning of the song, where the Paula wanna-be and I walked by each other, looked back, and kicked our leg up to our face. Then we kind of crossed around the room and the first rap part started.

But the day came when I got my chance to be Paula. Suzy, Kati and Christine, I think, kind of felt my pain and could see in my eyes that I deserved a chance. So late one afternoon in Kati’s basement I put on my mole, my leggings, my halter top, and I prepared myself to sing and dance my heart out.

The opening move-- the kick-- spun out of control.

When I kicked as high as I could, I hit my nose and flung myself backwards on to the ground. Bleeding ensued. My understudy filled in for the rest of the performance. After that I was pretty much always MC Skat Cat.

But in my own world, in my bedroom far away from basements and Suzy and Kati and Christine, I was always Paula. Sometimes I was a Laker girl, sometimes I was in my own music video, sometimes I was just me, feeling fabulous the way I was.

Paula made me feel like I could do anything. She still does. I longingly await her re-arrival.


At 12:13 PM, Blogger Emily said...

Seriously - I think you should send that to her in some fan mail... maybe we can get tickets to her first show or something.

At 12:51 PM, Blogger Gregg M. Schmidt said...

That was great - I wish you hadn't kicked yourself in the face though...I was really hoping that you hit the Paula moves to perfection. No wonder you have this lusting look in your eyes when you see her on American Idol...

At 3:47 PM, Blogger J-Mazz said...

The first non-soundtrack tape I ever bought was "Forever Your Girl." I quickly followed that w/ "Spellbound," just in time for a month in France w/ my mom and lil bro. Paula really helped me get through that summer. And who can forget Keanu Reeves as Paula's b/f in the "Rush, Rush" video? And now, from memory...

When you kiss me up and down, turn my senses all around (ooh baby, ooh baby)
I don't know just how or why, but no one else has touched me so deep, so deep, so deep INSIIIIIIIIIIIDE!

Was this foreshadowing for Keanu's career? Remember his super-deep touching in the second Matrix film, when he reaches inside Trinity? Think of the possibilities. Now THAT'S hot.


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