NoSalesTax

Two Elon alumni (2002) have pooled their talents to bring excitement and joy to your day. One is a classy woman who combines her Italian and feminine powers to influence men of all shapes and sizes. The other is a tall blond man who relies on wit and boyish good looks to impress women, especially when they're drunk. Join them in their epic pursuit of the phenomenon known as adulthood. NoSalesTax side effects may include addiction and abrupt laughter as colleagues look on in confused jealousy.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

One of My Favorite Days of the Year

is today, the first day of summer, the longest day of the year. To me, it symbolizes the opening to another chapter in the year, when everyone is outside and the world teems w/ life. The sun rose over Boston at 4:08am today, which is unbelievably early, yet the sunrise each year is worth a night of little sleep. There is something magical in watching dawn on the longest day of the year, as if I'm witnessing history, like going to the ballpark and watching a no-hitter unfold into the ninth inning. The magnitude of the moment is not lost, but instead sits densely in the atmosphere, oozing through each onlooker indiscriminately.

June 21 also marks a sad day on the calendar, because for the next six months each day will be shorter than its predecessor, each gasp of sunlight will be more faint than the morning before, until eventually winter rolls in once again. This bittersweet day brings w/ it bittersweet memories, places I've never visited, people to whom I've never explained my love. This date has always held special meaning for me, serving as a sign to open bedroom windows and let the world in, sunlight and all. I'll worry about the shortening days some other time. Right now, I'm going to enjoy the last moments of this year's longest day before falling asleep. Maybe I'll dream of longer days, longer years where I'll find the time to do everything I'd like. Maybe someday.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I'm Rubber, You're Glue...

While discussing Ani Difranco w/ my friend last week, he shared w/ me the content of an email he once sent to his ex-g/f. Quoting Gravel, he simply wrote to her, "You were never a good lay, and you were never a good friend." My response? "Awesome." So tell us, what's the meanest thing you've ever said/done to an ex? Let the entertainment begin!

Monday, June 19, 2006

To-Do List (Before Death)

My friend Steve recently shared w/ me his list of 100 things he hopes to do in his life. Not a bad idea. So I gave it a shot late the other night as I fought off sleep while laying in bed. Think you're up to it? Give it a shot. You may learn something about yourself, which is always a treat. Here's the first tenth of my list, in no particular order. Let me know if you wanna hear more, submit your own in our "comments" section, or just respond w/, "J-Mazz, this is your worst post yet." I can take it.

1. Learn to play guitar well

2. Drive cross-country w/ a friend

3. Be best man in a wedding

4. Try out for Saturday Night Live

5. Live in a European city w/ a friend (Rome/Barcelona/London, etc.)

6. Learn to make crepes

7. Work at a ropes course

8. Be someone’s mentor

9. Visit the Grand Canyon

10. Dunk in a game

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Had To Go See About A Girl

Two weeks ago, I made a bold move. I’ve been told I’m not much of a gambler, which may be why my most recent adventure continues to roll around inside me. Since most of you have no idea who I’m talking about or what led to my actions, I won’t bore you with details. You’ll have to call/visit me for the real scoop. All you have to know is I rented a car (Snowflake was still in the shop after her wreck) and drove 90 minutes through the rainy evening to “go see about a girl.” And for those of you who’ve seen Good Will Hunting, the parallels don’t end there. I drove out of Boston to say goodbye to someone who’s impacted my life so much in the past few months that I can honestly say she’s changed me. I forgot to mention I listened to Elliott Smith much of the ride, adding to the cinematic similarities.

So basically I showed up at her door, completely unexpected, and just winged it. She was leaving two days later, so I guess I really didn’t have anything to lose. After chatting w/ her family for a good 45 min. (her mom loved me), we went upstairs and talked about her looming departure, her mixed emotions, etc. The conversation somehow found an opportune time for me to tell her how I feel, feelings I’d decided I had to share with her only days earlier, after a little wisdom from friends Charlie and Sherri gave me the “fire under my butt” I needed (that was for you, T-Rock).

Sitting on her bed, words began cascading from my lips. Again, I won’t go into details here on the blog, but I have no problem discussing it without a computer. Let's just say I emptied my brain and heart in that room, and actually felt good about it afterward.

Who the hell cares, you may be wondering. Well, the reason for this post is not to touch on my latest escapades in love (or something like it). Instead, I want to share with you the importance of seizing every opportunity in life to follow your heart. For fear of sounding cheesy, don’t be afraid to gamble. Go all in, if the situation so moves you. If I, until recently withered and floating in limbo, can throw myself out there, so can you! As the great Dr. Seuss said:

Do you dare to go out? Do you dare to stay in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?


Keep those words fresh in your mind the next time you’re faced with fear. In a lot of ways, life is just like the lottery: You can’t win if you don’t play. And most of us, much like Will Hunting, just need a kick in the ass to get started. “You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket and you're too big of a pussy to cash it in.” Getting your portion of the reward is just a step out of your comfort zone. Give it a try. Good or bad, you’ll be glad you joined the risk-taking club. Not only am I the club president, but I’m also a client.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Forget Umbrellas

Searching eBay for an arc. Seriously, if this week's forecast holds true, Boston will be halfway to Biblical proportions. I'm just glad I no longer live on the first floor. I'm also glad I'm not homeless, although living rent-free would be nice for a while. Speaking of arcs, did you know the original name for Garden State was "Large's Arc?" I think Zach Braff made the right move in changing the name, mainly because Garden State has several meanings. The obvious one is it's the nickname for the state where the film takes place. But dig a bit deeper and you'll realize "garden state" also sums up the main character's mindset as the movie progresses, as if he's shedding the drugs that've dictated his thoughts for so many years and planting seeds for a healthier, truer "garden," one that involves the delicious Natalie Portman. And I can finally say I've used "delicious" to describe something other than food.

So back to the rain thing. The best things about rainy weekends include saving money by not going out and accomplishing household chores and other tasks that keep getting put off. For instance, I spent last night reading Travels With Charley before hittin' the hay. I filled this morning by updating my iPod and rediscovering the waffles and frozen berries in the back of my freezer. The afternoon has taken me to Trader Joe's before returning me to my room, where I've been writing the past several hours. Oh, and I called home to wish Catherine a happy Mother's Day. I really don't know where I'm going w/ this, other than rainy days are sometimes a good thing. Rainy weeks, on the other hand, are challenging. Wish me luck as I head into my second in a row.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Another Typical Saturday

My Saturday was not too different from yours. My best friend Charlie (from AmeriCorps) came to town Friday evening, so we felt less than 100 percent Sat. morning. Nonetheless, we grabbed lunch and immediately headed to the liquor store, where we opted to purchase a very adult-like six-pack of Harpoon Summer and a very college-like case of Busch Light. All together now... Mmmmmmmmmmm. So we spent the afternoon on my deck, drinking Busch Light and listening to Radiohead's Kid A on two diff. stereos (w/ a 17-sec. pause between the two). The undecided sky opted to rain midway through the afternoon, leaving our scenario even stranger as we guzzled cheap beer amidst random raindrops. Around dinnertime, we headed to Sunset Grille w/ my roomie Mark, who I'd never hung out w/ before. K-Man met up w/ us there, and we proceeded to enjoy a delicious, affordable meal sandwiched between world-reknown beers. Once we finished, Mark pulled out a $100 bill and paid for us all. Awesome. Then again, he's older (29) and more established than the rest of us.

After dinner, we headed to The Paradise for the Pinback show, which was awesome. The opening act, Pleasiasaur, was not. In fact, I'd say he was the worst life performance I've ever seen. Seriously, I felt so nauseaus I needed to head outside and make phone calls until his act was done. Ugh. Pinback started strong, but I quickly found myself passing out standing up, never a good thing when you're 6'4". I said goodbye to my buddies and walked outside, deciding to scope out the back alleys of the venue. I found a nice spot on a ledge behind a minivan and quickly passed out, although I was twice awakened by bouncers asking if I was OK. An hour later, I returned to the show in time to catch the last few songs and encore. It was fantastic, and Charlie and Mark were absolutely shit-faced by then. After the show, K-Man peaced out and we remaining three headed to The Silhouette for beers and darts. Upon closing the place down at 2am, Charlie decided it'd be a good idea to throw darts everywhere but at the dartboard. Smooooooth. As we walked back to my place, we passed an extremely loud house party on Brighton Ave. After a brief discussion, we decided to enter and see what happens. Leading the way, I followed a couple girls inside and immediately introduced myself to one of the apt.'s inhabitants. Mark and Charlie soon followed, and we found ourselves drinking tequila and jungle juice w/ 30+ college sophomores. While chatting up a friendly gal, she asked me what school I attend. Thinking quickly, I said, "I'm a recent graduate." I guess "recent" can mean "four yeårs ago," right? An hour or two later, we tired of the ridiculous antics that are college underclassmen (pounding a tequila bottle, rockin' out to Journey, etc.) and took off, just in time for Mark to become belligerent and yell at everyone he saw (and even some people he didn't see). Needless to say, it was just your average Saturday in Boston.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Workin' For the Weekend

Most people are gearin' up for Cinco de Mayo celebrations right about now....
Me? I just got a 15 page newsletter article to edit. The subject? Incontinence.....Folks, there is a newsletter for EVERYTHING...Happy Cinco de Mayo.